1Andsoitbegins1

[ITRIEDVOODOOONCE]

So i decided to go with the trend and write a type of connected amount of peices blah blah blah i hate intros to pieces.

Let It begin
We will forge this new life
Not of blood
Not of Love
Not of conviction
But of all synthetic part
Steel jaw, a plastic lung
And a heart for only practical purposes
It shall feel and not question
The embodiment of our hopes and dreams
Trace our masterpiece with our nails
Its touch as cold as it's intent
Its feet crush the ground
Beneath the weight of hollowed iron
Wraught with potential
But devout of such conviction
As its eyes begin to flutter
It walks
It Breathes
And so it begins

[ITRIEDVOODOOONCE]

Im Ashamed, Off The First Page Not One Crit!!

[xKONRADx]

I really dont imagine this as a song, however i think its better that way. I like it, it gives the feeling of being the creator, but also the created from one perspective. the repetition of the 'Not' lines at first sounded like you were heading down the wrong path, but i like how it turned out. I like how all the phrasing is very 'correct' and leaves you feeling stoic while the words are all very strong words which are usually associated with emotion. I cant claim to know exactly what you are writing about but i think this turned out exceptionally well.

[MidnightHysteria]

It's not bad for what it is, but it has too much of a "1990's American poetry" vibe for me. 4/10 on a scale of complete personal taste. I'm sorry I can't be objective about this.

[ATC]

Originally Posted by ITRIEDVOODOOONCE

Let It begin
We will forge this new life
Not of blood
Not of Love
Not of conviction
But of all synthetic part
Steel jaw, a plastic lung
And a heart for only practical purposes
It shall feel and not question
The embodiment of our hopes and dreams
Trace our masterpiece with our nails
Its touch as cold as it's intent
Its feet crush the ground
Beneath the weight of hollowed iron
Wraught with potential
But devout of such conviction
As its eyes begin to flutter
It walks
It Breathes
And so it begins

I quite like this. Not a conventional song by any means but the poetry is pretty fcuking great. I wasn't sure I liked how it opened but it ties in to the Frankenstein's monster as posterboy of the modern age theme (?) you had going. The rest of this just flows so well and when you end, it ties it all together quite neatly and I'm left with no criticisms to give you. I liked this.

[ITRIEDVOODOOONCE]

thanks everyone for the crits they are much appreciated!

[smoss]

Good Job Chris, I like this one.

-sits in computer lab wondering were you are-