Memories

[Lucky Savage]

This is a song I just recently wrote after the untimely death of my uncle, who my mother loved dearly. This happened right in the midst of another family crisis, and I almost every time I see my mom she is in tears. I want to help her, but I don't know what to say, since I hardly knew the man. The song's not the best quality, since I wrote it kind of quickly, and I need a lot of help revising it. Anyway, enough of my ranting, here's the song:

Memories

I hate to see you crying alone
I wish I could be there by your side
Good friends, they’ve come and they’ve gone
We’ll never forget the day a good friend died
I hate to see you trying to forget
I wish I could wipe your pain aside
There’s many challenges left to be met
I just wish the day that he died could be

Lost in the past
Buried by the tide
The sorrow, in time, will fade away
But the memories never die
Now you are lost in the moment
Forgetting all your tears
Reliving all the good times you’ve had
All of those years in the past

And I will never forget
The look on your face
The way our eyes met
The tears on your face
The way you regret
Never saying just how
Strongly you felt
You know he wasn’t perfect
Far from the best
Now it is time to
Bid your farewells
'cause he is

Lost in the past
Buried by the tide
The sorrow, in time, will fade away
But the memories never die
Now you are lost in the moment
Forgetting all your tears
Reliving all the good times you’ve had
All of those years in the past


And I
Just wish I could have been there
Just think
Of all the memories we could have shared

Lost in the past
Buried by the tide
The sorrow, in time, will fade away
But the memories never die
Now you are lost in the moment
Forgetting all your tears
Reliving all the good times you’ve had
All of those years in the past

All those memories in the past

[Steerpike]

At times the structure was a little confusing, but the imagery was dead on. Our family has gone through a lot of losses in the last few years, so I know how it can be.

You've got the emotion down. The verses could use a little tweaking, but other than that you've got a good, strong song going.

[SixStringKing]

i personally love it, its sick, i can really feel it, and hear it. its sick dude. I loved the very first line just because it really gave you the feeling for the rest of the song

[Lucky Savage]

Thanks a lot guys. It was really a spur of the moment thing, the emotion just flowed out with hardly any thought. Now that it's been a few days I can look at it with fresh eyes and make some good revisions.

[chickwhorocks]

its awesome, and im sorry for your lose...
i really really like it
the way it made me feel was good, i think you need to just work on the structure a bit but you are deffinitly on your way

also i hope you cope well with your lose

[theredwonder]

very powerful. the first couple of stanzas i loved. got a little lost after that, seemed a little repetetive, but the first stanza = smack bang, hit your audience in the face with a powerful message. like it. always sorry to hear about family loss. 8/10

crit this please please please? -

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=213858

shameless plugging practised here

[AnotherGuitarist]

very strong intro, its always good to have a real strong intro, sets the mood, gives the message of the full song. great imagery as well. the other verses can use a little work to help structure it a little better. great job though.

id like you to crit mine too! thanks!
http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=214538

[Lexie]

That is a very touching peice of writing.... anyone who has lost somene dear by death or whatever incident would relate.. and that is something a good writer not just a song writer should have- the ability to relate people who their music through a strong emotional memory or reminder