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03-14-2004, 03:35 PM
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#1 |
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Lose Yourself
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 89
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Crit Please! Really Need Advice on this one!
title: Happy as Happy or So Madly,So Badly
status:finished lyrics- happy as happy only the front of the train sit back enjoy the ride before it stops again watch in silence as the caboose passes by close ur eyes see time fly - See it go to late to show what u mean to me but i want u so badly so madly - All the words i need to say baby i just cant find understand the darker side open up the heart and cry - See it go to late to show what u mean to me but i want u so badly so madly - Happy as Happy front of the train happy as happy enjoy the ride happy as happy stops again happy as happy it passes by happy as happy close ur eyes and cry © 2004 M.G.Trozzo Thanks for Taking The Time To Crit! Let Me Know on name change ideas if u have any or if u think one of the ones i have is better then the other. and i wanna hear ur opinion even if its bad. thanks! crit my other stuff if ya please- http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=162067 (Evil Behavior) http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=163690 (Stalker Of The Moon) Last edited by Bozz; 03-17-2004 at 02:56 PM. |
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03-14-2004, 03:58 PM
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#2 |
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Lose Yourself
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 89
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stinks that everyone reads and no one replies... please someone answer! lol ^bump^
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03-14-2004, 04:06 PM
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#3 | ||
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 154
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Not that I'm an expert, but I can understand you would like someone to reply. Well, here we go: I think the subject is pretty obvious, but not too obvious(which is good, I guess).
Quote:
And then the last part: Quote:
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03-15-2004, 11:34 AM
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#4 |
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Lose Yourself
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 89
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thanks for the advice, as for ur first comment i could see that it might seem better if it rhymed but as i have the tune in my head it works better this way, not quite sure how im gonna have the last bit done whether a backround or just the main singer singing it, mostly cause im writing it solo and therefor thinking solo if i ever get a band together or something i might change it so that its backround which i think would be really cool! thanks alot!
any more crits please? |
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03-15-2004, 11:45 AM
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#5 |
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∞ days deleted
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Ithaca is Gorges. So are vags
Posts: 12,034
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These are not the type of lyrics that need to be critted. These are good song lyrics but not really anything special. These lyrics are like a 1-3-5 chord progression. basic and can always work, but somewhat boring.
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03-15-2004, 11:51 AM
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#6 |
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Lose Yourself
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 89
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well thanks but i still like to know what people think, im fairly new to the whole lyric writtin thing, this is only the 2nd song i posted after all.
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03-15-2004, 02:19 PM
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#7 |
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no but yeah but no
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: ireland
Posts: 481
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It's good, but I prefer your other post. I like it, but I think darker writing is maybe your stong point. It's my strength too so I try my hardest to prove everyone wrong and show that I CAN do sweet poems!
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03-16-2004, 04:13 PM
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#8 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: guitar center
Posts: 266
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its ok the "but i want u so badly so madly" seems kindo of odd all in all i'de give it a 6/10
crit mine please! http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=163180 |
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03-18-2004, 09:39 AM
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#9 |
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: belgium
Posts: 51
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didn't liked it so much your other song was much better..
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